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(eerie music)
(cricket chirping)
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(drums thumping)
(cricket chirping)
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(birds chirping)
(singer vocalising)
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(singer vocalising)
(bell clanging)
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(birds chirping)
(singer vocalising)
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(singer vocalising)
(drums thumping)
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Then I would like have girlfriends
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who would go to their mother's cupboards and say,
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"Come on, let's try the bras on."
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And I would just thought it was outrageous.
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I mean, forget it.
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Me trying bras on with putting the socks inside,
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oh, you must...
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I'd be there looking, going to my dad's wardrobe
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and seeing if he wanted to get rid of anything that was...
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Even his knickers, if he got rid of his knickers,
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I would just snatch them up.
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The beach time was always really great.
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I loved it going to the beach
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'cause then I could just
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be taken as a boy most of the time.
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One of the things I used to love doing
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is either get pebbles or marbles,
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put them together and make a pretty good package down there,
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you know, between my legs.
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I've just been having a great argument
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with my sister's girlfriend and she's totally against it
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because she reconciled society that's driven me
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to chop my tits off.
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Of course, I haven't chopped them off yet,
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but that is my goal.
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Before, when I was a kid
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and had my flat chest on the beach, I mean, I was so happy.
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(gentle music)
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(static crackling)
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(gentle music)
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Once I started letting it grow,
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it was so interesting.
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The things that were happening to me.
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Having this beard and people's reactions to it
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as I was a bearded woman.
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That's, you know, in fact on "The Guardian",
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it was called the Bearded Lady,
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which was like a total misnomer.
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I hate to be called lady.
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I call myself a hermaphrodite, which is like coffee beans.
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You go into a really good coffee bean store,
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you might want a bit of a dark roast,
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you might want a bit of a light roast.
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You might want something really spicy
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or you can blend your own.
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And that's the point.
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And I'm sort of blending, taking things from femaleness,
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female genderedness, male genderedness, and combining it.
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It's not like one in one equals two or I'm the third gender.
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It's like there's many different combinations.
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You know, every combination of gender expression is unique.
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So hermaphrodite is where I feel I am right now.
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When I do drag king, I'm performing masculinity.
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When I am me, I'm just being me, which is male.
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There's also a part of me that's female.
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And I mean, I do feel that the female part
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is so much a part of me.
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That I do feel that as well, but outwardly,
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and, you know, when I hear myself speak,
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which is still a bit of a shock
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because the voice dropped down way low.
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Well, you know, the effects are irreversible.
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My voice will never change back.
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I don't want to change back.
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I don't see that I will.
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You know, I definitely will do drag queen again though.
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You know, there's nothing that will stop me
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doing drag queen.
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I quite fancy that.
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(gentle music)
(birds chirping)
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(gentle music)
(object scraping)
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(gentle music)
(birds chirping)
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Something that really happened to me,
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it was during FTM conference.
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FTMs or people judging over from female to male
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after they had all the, you know, speeches and everything.
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Then they had this session where, you know...
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Oh, the guys are together
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and they had this session about talking about sex.
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And of course being me,
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I was the first one to kind of open my mouth.
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And I said, "Well, you know, I really like penetration."
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After I said that, the whole place just went really quiet.
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My sexuality is so different from my gender
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and it doesn't relate to it at all.
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Being with a man, it's, like, well, does that mean
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I have to kind of act the, you know, the female role.
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Do you know what I mean?
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It's, like, well, okay, I see myself as male,
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but then my body it's, like, it's a female body that I have.
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But in the head, it's different.
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You know, it's a male thing.
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You know, and then kind of going,
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"Well, fuck it, you know, I can just be a faggot,
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and, you know, I can be whatever."
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But yeah, men definitely.
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I think that's gonna be my next thing
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is be a faggot.
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Yeah. (laughs)
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And kinda break all the rules.
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(singer vocalising)
(drums thumping)
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(birds chirping)
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The psyche is very much formed by itself.
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You know, it's, like, I think that,
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you know, we have this ability of sort of
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imagining ourselves, creating ourselves,
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and therefore changing.
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And if you are playful, like, the important bit
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is that you...
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You know, it's so difficult to be playful
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because it's just...
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You know, difficult to be playful with gender or sexuality.
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You know, there's these big chunks of our lives
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that are being, you know, cut out
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or, you know, dealt with in a certain way.
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And you can't easily be playful with it.
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Just go from here to there and try this, try that, you know.
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I mean, before I had my first,
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I thought, I'm going to give it a try.
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I'm going to have an injection for my 40th birthday.
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Birthday present. (chuckles)
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I thought, you know, on my 40th birthday,
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I can try something like that.
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And who knows if I get into it then I'm going to, you know,
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end up being the dirty, old man.
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You know, and I have led my life for 40 years as a woman
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and then maybe for the next 40 years, I'm a man.
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In that moment, I only imagine myself with a beard,
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you know, grey beard as an old guy.
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You know, like 80 or something.
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I always like the word phase. When people say.
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Oh, it's not just a phase.
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You know, for me it's all phases. It's wonderful phases.
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(birds chirping)
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(bird squawking)
(gentle music)
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February 27th,
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in studio,
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I don't want to feel like a man.
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I mean, I already feel like a man.
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I am a man
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or I'm more of a man than I've ever been before.
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I've got a very minimal body.
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There's sort of nothing of it.
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It never matured in a way.
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It just stayed in this semi-child,
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adolescent female stage.
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My body sort of always let me down.
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It's always let my mind down or my...
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My perception of myself down.
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And the main change that I felt
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as soon as I started feeling the testosterone in my body
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is that suddenly I felt more natural.
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I feel that my...
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Yeah, my soul somehow now,
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it has a physical body in which it can really develop.
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(eerie music)
(drums thumping)
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(coffin scraping)
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(explosion booming)
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(explosion booming)
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♪ Come sit here on your daddy's knee ♪
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♪ Come sit here and talk to your daddy ♪
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♪ Come sit here on your daddy's knee ♪
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♪ Come sit here and talk to your daddy ♪
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♪ There's nothing here for me ♪
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♪ But I want everything I see ♪
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♪ Now I realise that love is a luxury ♪
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♪ Oh yeah ♪
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♪ That love is a luxury ♪
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♪ That love is a luxury ♪
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♪ I can't go for a lie ♪
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♪ What I really meant to say ♪
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♪ What are you doing tonight ♪
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♪ Do you wanna sit ♪
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♪ Come sit here on your daddy's knee ♪
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♪ Come sit here and talk to your daddy ♪
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♪ Come sit here on your daddy's knee ♪
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♪ Come sit here and talk to your daddy ♪
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♪ Come baby, come ♪
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♪ Yeah, your luck has gone ♪
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♪ Come baby, come ♪
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♪ Yeah, your luck has gone ♪
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♪ Come baby, come ♪
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♪ Yeah, your luck has gone ♪
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♪ Come baby, come ♪
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♪ Yeah, your luck has gone away ♪